One measure of life is not how we see ourselves but how others see us. To be specific, how others need us, and the roles we play in relationships that we create. We can think of these roles from the greatest amount of power to the control of the weakest. Your value system in one way or the other determines the kind of relationships you give in to. I will Draw your attention to some few facts in relationship via the different relationship categories you can find yourself;
- The Needy: Some will look up to you to hold them up, bail them out, take over when they are overwhelmed, and make things right. You may take on this role because it is part of your values —Helping the needy — but this may be the allure of being needed. This relationship is unbalanced. The danger is that you get burned out, that you don’t feel appreciated or that they eventually outgrow you, leaving you alone and looking for someone else to save.
- The Helper: You’re the guy everyone always hits up to be on that church committee, to run the bake sale for the PTA, to be the assistant coach for the kids’ soccer team. Unlike the Needy, you’re not saving anyone, but like them, helping may be part of your values and feeling needing may draw you in. You also may have a difficult time saying no and setting boundaries, thereby making yourself a man-pleaser. The danger here is this; you will burnout with periodic resentment because you’re doing the heavy lifting when others are not, or because everyone seems to take you for granted.
- The Decision-maker: Others turn to you for your knowledge, your leadership, your ability to be the final word on big decisions. There are several variations. In the most positive version, others respect you and see you as a sage because of your experience and/or age. Some others may come to you because they see you as a drill sergeant who is in control and runs a tight ship, and they are afraid to make independent decisions. In a milder version, they are not afraid, but through your attitude and direction, you have trained others to be dependent on you. The down side of this category is – You get control at the cost of having to be responsible for and often essentially do it all. Like the others, you can get burned out, resentful, or upset when others leave because they are tired of your control and/or outgrow you.
- The Confidant: You’re easy to talk to and to open up to, and people share their secrets and troubles with you. You may not offer wisdom that much but offer honest and healing listening. Empathy comes with your personality. Like the others, your values include helping others. You appreciate the intimacy. Like the Needy category, the relationship can be unbalanced, and intimacy may be one-sided. You give, but maybe you don’t get or at least don’t get much.
- Balanced Intimacy: In this category, it is “give and take” and “helping and being helped”. This is relatively balanced, and the intimacy is two-sided. You have the desire for balance and the ability to be sensitive to others but able to set boundaries; there is no strong need to be in charge, be in control or be important. 80% of human are involved in this kind of relationship while the remaining 20% is involved in the other categories consciously or unconsciously.
- The “Self- centered”: Here, People don’t seem to need you. People don’t see you as reliable, or they believe that you are too preoccupied with your own issues or needy. Or you seem to put up emotional walls and set firm boundaries, creating a sense of self-sufficiency and detachment that keeps others from approaching you. You too are in unbalanced relationships in which you take but don’t give much back, which causes resentment and burnout in others because your emotional walls radiate negative energy while your dependency on others makes you fearful of their pulling away. And if you adopt the self-sufficiency stance you may avoid the burnout or resentment of the other roles, but at the cost of isolation and a lack of true intimacy.
Every human being on this earth fall under one or more of these categories. It’s necessary to figure out which category is predominant with you, check the downsides and upsides, and resolve to making your relationship experience a better one. Also, this will help you in self-discovery and development. Valentine is here!!! Everyone needs a show of love one way or the other and understanding these categories of relationships will help you in improving your relationship.
Twitter makes Ghana its headquarters in Africa, Nigerians React
Twitter announced today that the company is now in Africa, with its headquarters in Ghana.
“Twitter is now present on the continent. Thank you Ghana and @NakufoAddo,” Twitter CEO, Jack Dorsey tweeted today, April 12.
Abubakar Suleiman, the CEO of Sterling Bank, has weighed in on the conversation about Twitter making Ghana its headquarters in African.
Nigerians reacted to the fact that Ghana, and not Nigeria, was chosen to be the headquarters.
Then Suleiman tweeted: “First you tell the world Nigeria is a zoo.. Then you hear @TwitterSF has chosen @GhanaPresidency as their WA headquarters & you are wondering why.
“If you can’t sell yourself, nobody will buy you. Nigeria remains the heartbeat of Africa, our current struggles notwithstanding.”
Bank CEO, Abubakar Suleiman blames Nigerians who bad-mouth the country for Twitter’s decision to make Ghana its headquarters in Africa
See Nigerians Reactions Below;
A number of his followers took to the comments to disagree with him and he doubled down, writing: “I think everyone sells. And we should showcase the good things in our country even as we critic the shortcomings..”
John Magufuli’s Death: The lessons for Nigerian leaders
JOHN Magufuli, president of Tanzania died a few weeks ago and it is taking the whole of Africa a long time to come to grips with his death.
It is like a bad dream; many of us are yet to come to terms that he died of natural causes.
Here was a man who was full of life, executing his duties with zeal and passion, taking on the super powers in all ramifications, suddenly going down with a strange illness that finally consumed him.
The establishment people among us will say that this is natural, but for a man that had his private physician at his beck and call, such sudden heart attacks are not normal, unless there were inherent or prevailing ailments which were not made known to the public.
In this day and age, when peopled can be killed without trace of the murder weapon, the death of Magufuli will remain a mystery. We have seen the elimination of progressive African leaders in the past and this one will rank as one of them.
Before now there were Sylvanus Olympio 1963, Thomas Sankara 1987, Patrice Lumumba of Congo, Amilcar Cabral of Guinea-Bissau and many others too numerous to mention here.
The purpose of this piece is to highlight the impact Magufuli was able to make within a few years in power.
It is my humble opinion that if African leaders can replicate his methodology, it will not be long before our long-expected economic liberation will be accomplished.
This was a man who went into government with clear-cut ideas about what to do. According to Professor P.L.O. Lumumba, “politics is the competition of ideas”.
In this case, ideas that can be put into practice to move society forward. Ideas are not static or permanent, they are subject to vagaries and dynamics of life; that is why the late President Julius Nyerere of Tanzania said: “When you make mistakes, you can correct them”; an idea that is no longer relevant to the growth of society, should not be encouraged by anyone in position of leadership.
When you are in position of leadership and you are not governed by relevant ideas, you tend to go round in circles and in the short run, your failure will be exposed to the world.
This is a man who came to power as President of Tanzania, barely a year after our own Muhammadu Buhari was sworn in as Nigerian president.
But five years after, what can we say about our situation in Nigeria and what can we tell about Tanzania?
In this period, Magufuli was able to bring his country’s economy from the bottom to a middle income economy, while that of Nigeria went into recession several times and indeed, lost its position as the biggest economy in Africa.
Not only that, Nigeria was able to firmly establish itself as the country with the highest number of poor people in the world.
The difference is very clear, but some of us will always come out to defend this position with the fact that Nigeria is not Tanzania and begin to give excuses on why this is so.
A leadership that focuses on excuses will never get things done, because it loses direction and offers faults instead of solutions.
When you have a mandate deprived of excuses, you will come up with solutions, no matter the situation and the interesting thing about this is that, the solutions will be local.
Let us, for example, note how Magufuli moved his nation from economic doldrums just by applying home- grown solutions.
He came up with a policy that makes it compulsory for all minerals extracted in the land to be used as raw materials in local manufacturing. Raw materials can only be taken out of the country on the express permission of the Predidency.
And, to give bite to this law, raw materials billed for export were impounded at the port of Dar es Salaam and the whole world took notice.
If this law is enacted in Nigeria and faithfully applied, there is no way we would be importing petroleum products into this country because we have the raw materials and the capacity, but lack the political will to execute such policy.
If we want to run the NNPC mainly on the basis of merit, this position can be accomplished in less than two years; but do we have the will?
When you site the refineries at the point of drilling the oil, why would you have crude oil pipeline sabotage? Magufuli banned foreign trips for his government officials and used the proposed money to rehabilitate the health sector.
He abolished tax exemptions for ministers; but, here in Nigeria, how do our government appointees behave? With over bloated numbers of aides, fleet of cars in garages, all at government expenses, how do you expect government to be productive?
People say that President Buhari is not after wealth, that he has always lived frugally; but, as President of Nigeria since 2015, we have not seen such display of frugality in spending at the presidential level, and this had emboldened the National Assembly leadership to toe in his steps.
Imagine if government decides to cut drastically on its spending, what benefit that will bring to the country’s economy? Magufuli fined illegal miners to the tune of 193 million Tanzanian shillings for under-valuing Tanzania gold export and seized 250 containers at the port. The British- owned company was forced to give away 16 percent shares of the company to the government of Tanzania.
In Nigeria, everyone is depending on Niger Delta oil, while foreign elements and greedy Nigerians collaborate to export valuable raw materials out of the country, with government officials and security agencies looking the other way.
These raw materials are what Magufuli used to build the Tanzania economy.
In Nigeria, we allow foreigners and bandits to take control of the business; meanwhile, the states are unable to pay the minimum wage for workers.
We have raw materials in abundance: gold, tin, copper, bauxite, silver, steel and so many more, waiting to be tapped; but no one in government is interested, as long as the Abuja allocation is guaranteed.
In Nigeria, people are killing themselves, while security officials remain aloof.
Magufuli reduced his cabinet size from 30 to 19; in Nigeria the figure is increasing. He rejected a $10 billion loan from China because the conditions attached to it are inimical to the progress of his country.
In Nigeria we are insatiably going after the Chinese loans, no matter the conditions attached to them; we cannot build railways without Chinese loans.
Magufuli was able to build railways, hydro power stations, LNG plants, bridges, wind farm projects, gold refinery plant, expanded park projects, executed free education for public schools, and many more, without collecting any foreign loan.
He called the bluffs of super powers, Britain and China; all he did to move the country forward was to block the drain pipes and tapped on the potentials in the country.
He stood alone and fearless against the forces of darkness; he sacrificed self for Tanzania; he banned all illicit and explicit videos from Tanzania online space; and despite all of these, he made his Tanzania a middle income country.
Unfortunately, while he was doing these things, no African leader openly supported him; I guess for fear of losing on their loan deals and others.
I really wish that the African continent can have more Magufulis, so that in no distant time, we will be able to contest with the best in the world.
Our leadership must wake up. Professor Lumumba calls it the “magulification of Africa”; that is, to bring political hygiene into governance in Africa.
“Bandits won’t surrender if they don’t feel safe” – Sheikh Gumi proposes amnesty for bandits
Islamic cleric, Ahmad Gumi has said bandits will not let go of their arms if they are not assured of their safety and rehabilitation.
Gumi said this on Wednesday, March 24, during a virtual event hosted by the National Institute for Legislative and Democratic Studies.
The meeting was organised to discuss Nigeria’s security challenges.
Speaking, the cleric said he sees no reason why the government should not dialogue with the bandits who are willing to negotiate.
He said: “Nobody can justify criminality, what we are saying is what we saw in the forest is an ethnic war going on between people in the forest and the neighboring villages and hamlets. When the herder felt he has grievances and nobody was listening to him, he took on weapons.
“So when we went there and they saw a listening ear, they were ready to negotiate, tell us their grievances, and ready to incorporate into the society. So in such a case, I see no reason why we should not have a dialogue with them.”
According to The Cable, the cleric added that if they are not shown that they’ll be safe when reintegrated into the society, they will continue to carry arms.
The cleric further stated that they should be given amnesty the same way the Niger Delta militants were granted amnesty.
He said: “Looking at their educational status, they don’t have any official or unofficial education. How can a nation which is serious about security leave a chunk of its society so uneducated, leave it to arms and drugs? I don’t think that society is serious. How can we disperse them, rehabilitate them because they are holding arms to protect themselves.
“If you don’t show them they’re safe in the larger society, there’s no way they can leave their weapon. And that’s why we asked for amnesty for them just like we had in the Niger Delta.
“I’m not justifying their kidnapping, what they do is crime. But their kidnapping is to get more money to buy more weapons so that they can protect themselves.”
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